The StatTrak™ MP9 | Starlight Protector (Battle-Scarred) is like that one friend who claims to be a celestial guardian but shows up to the party with scuffed sneakers and a half-eaten burrito. The skin’s supposed "starlight" theme is buried under enough scratches and grime to make you wonder if it survived a meteor shower—or just a particularly aggressive game of rock-paper-scissors. The MP9 itself is a bullet hose for close-quarters panic-spraying, and this version’s battered finish screams, “I’ve seen things… mostly missed headshots.” StatTrak counts your kills, which is handy, because the gun’s appearance already tracks how many times you’ve questioned your life choices. Still weirdly charming, though.