The Five-SeveN | Triumvirate is like that friend who shows up to a party wearing a toga and insists it’s “vintage Roman chic.” The skin’s gold accents and marble-like textures scream “I’m here to conquer eco rounds,” but the Well-Worn condition gives it the vibe of a relic that’s survived one too many gladiator matches. Scratches? Call them “battle scars.” Faded details? “Patina of prestige.” It’s the pistol equivalent of a philosopher-king who’s seen some stuff—still deadly in the right hands, but probably needs a nap. Bonus points for making you feel like you’re dual-wielding history and hopium.